The Power of Asking for Help
In Chapter 11 of The Earned Life, Marshall Goldsmith describes a curious case at IBM: managers offering coaching were often met with a polite but firm, "No, thank you, boss. I perform effectively with no need for coaching." On the surface, it sounds like confidence. In reality, it was a cultural trap, a vicious cycle where the offer of help implied underperformance, and declining help signaled competence.
This is not unique to IBM. Many organizations, and many leaders, unintentionally discourage help-seeking behavior. Asking for help can be misinterpreted as weakness, incompetence, or a lack of initiative. But in truth, it's one of the most underutilized strategies for growth, resilience, and innovation.
Why We Struggle to Ask for Help
Pride and Ego – We want to prove we can handle things ourselves, fearing our credibility will take a hit if we admit we need support.
Fear of Judgment – We worry others will think less of us or see us as a burden.
Cultural Conditioning – In many corporate environments, independence is celebrated while collaboration is quietly undervalued.
Reciprocity Anxiety – We fear that accepting help creates an obligation we may not be able to repay.
The Cost of Not Asking
I often quip, pay now or pay later. Make no mistake, you will always pay — later is often more expensive and more painful. So, ask now, or ask later . . . in the end, most of us will ask for help. Avoiding help might protect our ego in the short term, but it often comes at a high cost:
Missed Opportunities for Learning – Every piece of guidance is a potential shortcut to insight.
Inefficiency and Burnout – Struggling alone can waste time, drain energy, and delay results.
Weaker Relationships – Asking for help builds trust; avoiding it can keep relationships shallow.
Organizational Stagnation – Cultures that punish vulnerability become slow to adapt.
How to Normalize Help-Seeking in Leadership
Model It from the Top – When leaders openly ask for input, coaching, or feedback, it signals safety for everyone else.
Reward Collaboration, Not Just Independence – Recognize and celebrate when teams solve problems together.
Frame Help as a Strength – Position it as a smart, proactive move, not a rescue mission.
Make Coaching Routine – If coaching is part of the normal workflow, it loses its stigma.
The Hidden Strength in Asking for Help
When we ask for help, we give others a chance to contribute their strengths and combine them with our strengths. You know, the sum of the parts . . . It invites diversity of thought, accelerates progress, and strengthens bonds. It also reminds us and our teams that leadership is not about having all the answers, but about creating the conditions for the best answers to emerge.
Make no mistake, there is merit in persevering and figuring things out on your own; there is more merit in leveraging the team and asking for help.
If we want high-performing, innovative organizations, we must dismantle the "no help needed" culture. The leaders who will thrive in the coming decade are those who can say without hesitation:
"I don't have it all figured out. Can you help me?"
